


"A Goddamned Nun."

by Owl_Be_Writing



Series: If Elliott Had Been There- A Season Six Rewrite [11]
Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 16:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10948635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owl_Be_Writing/pseuds/Owl_Be_Writing
Summary: Reece meets someone with whom she can commiserate on the pain of single life.





	"A Goddamned Nun."

 

Reece dramatically stormed into the for-some-dumbass-reason-still-hiding-they’re-a-trio-she-was-This-Fucking-Close-to-calling-them-out’s apartment. She was aware that she dramatically stormed into that apartment a lot too often, but fuck you to anyone that would tell her to calm down.

“She just walked up to me and asked if I was willing to reconsider about the threeway. And she called me ‘Renae’. Can you believe it? I'm done with it all, over it, done. I'm running away to become a goddamned nun.”

Kurt, with eyebrow raised high, said, “Reece, you're not even Catholic.”

“And you're a half-arsed Baptist,” quipped Keiran, “what with the pre-marital sex and being a lez, and all that.”

“Even if one disregards all of those things,” sagely said some unknown beautiful blonde woman dressed like a 1920’s flapper, feather in her little headpiece, “you certainly couldn't be a  _ goddamned _ nun.”

Hope in her voice, Reece inquired, “Who the hell are you, and are you single?”

Kurt and Elliott looked at her with pity, while Keiran and the Mystery Woman freaking  _ laughed. _

“What the hell?” Reece demanded.

The blonde composed herself, and answered, “I go by Amaryllis Bucket, and I'm a drag queen, honey.”

_ ‘Fuck my life.’ _ As she threw herself into the armchair by the TV, she hollered, “God  _ damn  _ it!”

“Yeah,” Elliott unhelpfully said, “you definitely can't be a nun.”

“You can go right to hell, Ellie,” muttered Reece.

“Will it perk you up any, darling, to know it's spelled B-U-C-K-E-T?” asked Amaryllis, in a sympathetic tone.

Reece lifted her head and stared at far-too-damned-convincing drag queen. “You're spelling ‘bouquet’ like ‘bucket’?” To describe Reece’s look as ‘incredulous’ would be massively underselling it. She sat up, and rested her chin on her fist. “Is there some kind of law that drag names gotta be weird?”

“Told you she wouldn't know the reference,” stated Keiran as he stretched. “In America,  _ only _ old people know what ‘Keeping Up Appearances’ is.” He grinned like the devil. “Old people and Kurt.”

Poor  _ old _ -despite-being-the-youngest Kurt groaned, “You're such an ass.”

“And you're a cunt!”

Their flirting right in front of her in her moment of pain was unwelcome. Reece let out her own groan.

A mug appeared in front of her. “Chai, freshly brewed,” said Elliott.

She looked about, and saw that everyone had a mug of the stuff. Elliott’s mothering was a little much, sometimes, but Reece supposed it was acceptable if all Elliott did was pour her some of what everyone already had. “You think tea fixes everything,” she grumbled fondly, as she accepted the mug and took a sip.

“It seldom doesn't help,” Elliott returned, as he took his usual ‘seat’ on the floor, the weirdo. The sofa could seat three, and there was that odd square large ottoman like thing at the other side of the TV, but it was always the floor, if there were more than two people in the livingroom. So he could see everybody, he said.

“Why are you dressed like you're going somewhere?” Reece asked Amaryllis. Elliott and Keiran were done up a bit nicer than usual, too. Kurt nearly always dressed like he was going somewhere.

But, the three of them still weren't at the level of the pretty time-traveler sat on Keiran’s left on the sofa.

“I'm celebrating,” she replied, “I'm going to be…” She paused dramatically. “...on RuPaul's Drag Race!”

Whoops and cheers from the three boys. Reece cackled in delight. “Naw, really?”

“Girl,” she smirked, “really.”

“Drink to that!” called out Reece, and they all drank from their cups in toast. After she had swallowed, Reece questioned, “Why you celebrating by drinking tea with us losers?”

Amaryllis laughed. “I wanted to  _ begin _ the evening here, get a healthy dose of caffeine via Elliott’s expertly brewed chai,” she answered, and briefly punctuated her statement with a sip of her beverage, swallowed, and continued, “but, mark me, darling, we’ll be going to the club shortly. You’re more than welcome to join us.”

Reece smiled. “I could be persuaded.” She had another drink. “So,” she asked, “whose friend are you? One of Keiran’s conquests?”

Keiran squinted at Reece. “‘Conquests’?”

Amaryllis laughed again, and shook her head. “Goodness, but no,” she denied, “I conquered  _ him. _ ”

Keiran looked at Amaryllis, and waggled his eyebrows. “Fuck yeah, you did.”

Reece and Kurt both rolled their eyes, and Elliott chuckled.

“But that was rather a while ago,” she said with a shrug, and set her then empty mug down on the coffee table. “There are two much more important things you should know, Reece.”

Reece slapped on an inquisitive look. “What have I got to know?”

“Well,” Amaryllis shifted in her seat on the sofa, to better face Reece, leaned towards her, and stated, “firstly, yes, it is a law. Not that drag names have to be  _ weird _ , per se, but they  _ must _ be distinctive. No self respecting queen is going to name herself ‘Susan Smith’.”

“I don’t know,” Elliott disagreed, “that could be a character- the suburban housewife.”

“Oh, you know,” said Keiran, as he actually took on the persona, hand gestures and all, “she’s  _ fine _ with ‘the gays’, really, but do they  _ have _ to be so ‘in your face’ about it?”

Elliott snapped his fingers, and pointed at Keiran, a bright grin on his face. “Yes, exactly!”

“Oh, god,” Kurt moaned, “no, no, I had to  _ live _ around that.”

“Perhaps you should  _ be _ her, then,” Amaryllis suggested, “just once, to purge it out of your system.”

Kurt gave her a dead stare. “No.”

After a beat, Amaryllis powered on, “ _ Secondly _ , I, too, am  _ painfully _ single, darling. Looking for love, or for even just a little lust, every weekend, but to no avail!”

“Hey,” objected Kurt, “it’s not like I don’t know what that’s like.”

“I’ve been through it,” added Elliott.

Oh, Reece had about had it with their play, but Amaryllis spoke up before she could.

“I’m sure you have, honey,” she said, flatly, “but that’s hardly the case at the moment, now is it? Not one of the three of you are seeking love outside the home. At least, I should hope not.”

“Huh?” Kurt asked. Infuriatingly.

“Anyhow!” Amaryllis declared as she rose from her seat, “Oh! I am in such agony! I must sing about it, I’m sure you understand!”

And with that, she picked up the collapsable feather fan that Reece only at the moment had noticed had been on the table the whole time, and burst into song, one Reece had never heard before. Reece set her mug down on the floor, and out of the way, so as to trip no one. She had to put her full attention on this.

 

_ ~Ooooh! _

_ It seemed forever stopped today _

_ All the lonely hearts in New York _

_ Took a plane, and flew away _

_ All the handsome men are married, _

_ All the best women are straight _

_ You feel deprived!~ _

 

Reece couldn’t help but laugh and clap and feel just that little bit better as she watched while Amaryllis dramatically danced about, and opened and closed the fan so as to best punctuate the words she sang in her lovely tenor. The other three sang backup when the chorus began-

 

_ ~When there’s no love in town _

_ This new century _

_ Keeps bringing you down! _

_ All the places you have been, _

_ Trying to find _

_ A love supreme _

_ (A love supreme!)~ _

 

During the second verse, Amaryllis irritably rolled her eyes at the three when they sang

 

_ ~(Get on your knees!)~ _

 

but that was clearly just part of the song, part of the act. Reece laughed louder.

 

_ ~Yeaaaah _

_ Turn down the love songs that you hear _

_ ‘Cause you can’t the avoid the sentiment _

_ That echoes in your ear _

_ Saying love will stop the pain _

_ Saying love will kill the fear _

_ Do you believe?~ _

 

She gave Reece a significant, solemn look, and shook her folded fan at her.

 

_ ~You  _ **_must_ ** _ believe~ _

 

Reece blinked. Affected.  _ ‘Must believe in love, huh?’  _ She reflected.  _ ‘Yeah. You know what, I do.’ _

 

_ ~When there’s no love in town _

_ This new century _

_ Keeps bringing you down! _

_ All the places you have been, _

_ Trying to find _

_ A love supreme _

_ (A love supreme!)~ _

 

Song finished, Reece stood, and gave Amaryllis a standing ovation.

“Thank you, fairy godmother,” she said, a bright grin on her face, “that’s just what I needed.”

Amaryllis smiled, and simply bowed.

**Author's Note:**

> Song featured-  
> [Supreme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC20CSeBvlE) by Robbie Williams, cover by Max Raabe


End file.
